07 Feb On waiting, hope, and prayer.

I’m a fixer. And an empath. Those two are a tough combination when dealing with all the hurt and sin and hard in a crowded world. Because there is a whole lot you can’t fix.

In January, I was able to sneak away with two dear, longtime friends for a weekend. I may have talked for 24 hours straight (And by may, I mean definitely), but I walked away with a renewed sense of the power of solitary prayer. Not the kind of prayer you toss out when you say “i’ll pray for you” and make a little note. Not the kind of prayer you offer up over food, bedtime, and your daily blessings. Those are all a necessary kind of prayer, and He hears them, yes, but I’m talking about the kind of prayer that you wring from your soul when you can’t fix things. (And truthfully, it isn’t your role to fix them).

To pray like the Holy Spirit, interceding with wordless groans, prostrate before a Holy, omnipotent, good God.

I had insomnia last night, after an emotionally fraught day, and while I laid out in the bed, slow breathing and wiggling my toes to relax the tension in my forehead, this is how I prayed. It is a constant battle to release control, to let go of the need to fix, and embrace my need for surrender, in my life and the life of the ones I love. 

Maybe I am just telling you all this because we all have our moments, our prostrate, voiceless prayers, and maybe that’s when we are the most honest in our need for His all-encompassing, redeeming grace. 

And when my voice returns, this too, is how I pray.

Out of the depths I cry to you O Lord! O Lord hear my voice.

Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for my mercy!

If you O Lord should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits and in His word I hope.

More than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord.

For with the Lord is steadfast love.

And with Him is plentiful redemption.

 

Blessings to you as you pray.

M.