09 Sep Focus on the Good

Sometimes I feel like as soon as one child stops acting out… another one starts.

There are few moments in a family of 4 kids where I feel like everyone is good and I can breathe. I’ve realized over time that this is just the ebb and flow of life. Perfection is not the goal. It is not even real or possible. Susan blogged recently about “The making of a child” and shared her story of broken pieces. I was so deeply touched by it because I know my weak spots and no matter how hard I “try” many times my weakness’s surface…

I find this is true in my kids as well. Sometimes no matter how hard they try – their weakness surfaces. And if their weakness clashes with mine, it can be very challenging to keep perspective and furthermore for me to parent in a positive way.

Over the last few years I’ve really struggled with one of my kids. He’s the sweetest boy with a huge heart but…

He’s also messy (insert stress)

He’s scatter brained (insert stress)

He’s an antagonizer (insert stress)

He’s inquisitive when there is no time (insert stress)

I’ve read books, articles, journaled, prayed, talked with friends, talked to a counselor, cried, complained….Pretty much all of it. But my struggle has remained. And I’ve realized something over time…

The growing of a child includes beauty and weeds. You can’t make the weeds go fully away. Jesus even talked about this in Matthew 13:

“Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

“‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.

“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’

“‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”

Beauty and weeds will grow together with the end goal being that we learn to separate what is good and what is not. The tension must remain there. I find the greatest struggle I have as a mother, is to focus on the good and not the bad. To find positive thoughts, corrections, and language when my stress level is rising. The more I am struggling with a specific child or the more they hit my buttons- the more self control and intentionality it takes for me to be proactive vs. reactive.

At the same time, in my relationship with my child I’ve struggled with, I’ve also found these moments that are like huge rays of light coming from him. They have been places of remembrance and times for me to refer back to when I’m struggling. I had an epiphany the other day, when I realized these rays of light were becoming places of remembrance. I recalled a time in conversation with a counselor friend. We were discussing a relationship I was struggling with and she advised me to find pictures from a good time in the relationship and look at them everyday. I put a collage on my phone of our favorite moments. She also said to write down warm memories and go over them calling them to mind.

In this moment, I connected that the more I focused on the good moments and brought myself to connection with my child, the more I was able to handle the stressful moments with the child with balance and self control. Whatever I was feeding my heart, whether it be frustration or love, it was like a reservoir I was storing up. And in my moments of confrontation, this was coming out. Related, whatever part of them I feed and water is what is going to grow. So my battle becomes focusing my heart on the good so that I’m pulling the good out of them. Finding ways to build them up while encouraging and empowering and not being reactive and sowing more negativity.

My button pusher child is always bringing my flowers…

I always take pictures of them.

I love the verse in proverbs that says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.” I’ve found this to be so true in many areas of life. The challenge of this verse is further found in Hebrews where the writer states: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works”. How can we manage our heart so that we are circling and producing life in our kids? I’ve found calling to remembrance, focusing and calling out every good moment is such a key for my heart to stay centered in positivity and field off negativity.

Find your moments of good and center your heart there.

Matt 12: 36

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

3 John 11

Friend, don’t go along with evil. Model the good. He who does good is of God; he who does evil has not seen (discerned or experienced) God.

Romans 14:16

Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things

Best~ Autumn