03 Apr A Time to Build Up

About a week has passed now since the state of Maryland where I live issued orders for us to stay at home except for essential outings such as grocery shopping or taking walks to get exercise. It has been much longer, though, since our schools have shut down and all our kids have been doing work from home.

With all our social and extracurricular activities canceled for the foreseeable future, we have been pulled close together as family units and thrown into the pressure cooker of increased time and proximity to one another. Even before this order was issued, our family members usually tend to be the ones who test us  and “push our buttons” in ways that few others do.

Therefore, a great challenge for growth is placed before each one of us: Will we make it an aim and goal of this season to strengthen our relationships with each member in our family?

There are, as it were, fightings within and fears without, and days when each one of us will experience nothing less than desperate moments. A friend of mine told me on the phone yesterday, “There hasn’t been a day that goes by (during this quarantine) that I haven’t cried at some point.”  If we as adults are having moments of emotional breakdown, it is good to remember that our children aren’t immune to this pain either.

A day hasn’t gone by that my kids haven’t lamented their inability to have play dates with their friends. After years of them begging us, we had signed them up to play baseball and now that isn’t going to happen. Special events that marked special days which were going to be celebrated in person with friends have now been scratched off the calendar.

This past week it hit me that my four year old son who loves his preschool very much may not go back at all in person this year. For a few weeks, he seemed to be fine with just hanging out with us but a few nights ago he cried saying, “Mommy, why can’t I go to my school?”

It is safe to say that every member of our family, from the youngest to the oldest, is experiencing the pains of certain losses right now. When we each experience pain in an acute way, it is so important to feel seen and and heard by those around us. We have the chance to be that for our families right now in a unique way.

We will all likely have our “snapping” moments too – moments when our patience wanes and anxiety grows, when our tongues ignite with angry and hurtful words. There is an opportunity in these moments too. An opportunity to stoop low and apologize, to confess our sin and seek forgiveness.

Philippians 3:13 urges us to “forget what lies behind” in order to reach forward to what lies ahead. What lies behind us isn’t just bad memories from years gone by. It also may include losing your temper five minutes ago with your child for fighting with her sibling. We can reconcile and begin to rebuild any breaches. We don’t have to let hours of estrangement go by – we can step froward to mend things as soon as they tear.

Before the season of Lent began, we prayed about what to focus on giving up and adding in. We chose to give or throw away something each day to create less clutter. And every day at dinner we decided to take time to go around the table and tell every family member something we appreciate about them or thank them for something they did that day that blessed us.

I started out by calling this our “Affirmation Time.” The kids didn’t like the word “affirmation” (they said it sounded weird – ha!) So they decided we would just call it our “Time to Tell Good Things.” Every night now, one of the kids will start us off with, “It’s time to share our good things!” For each member of our family to share a good thing with each other, it usually takes 20-30 minutes and there are lots of laughs and smiles as a result.

I think when we chose to to this for Lent, we had no idea how much we would need it. Taking the few minutes a day to look into each other’s eyes and say something encouraging has gone a long way to strengthen us during this difficult time.

The trial we are facing as a nation right now may persist for some time. Now, more than ever, will we choose to look into each other’s eyes and speak out the “good things” we see? Will we choose together to keep praising the Lord by recalling His love and faithfulness?

There are treasures available to each one of us during this trial and, through Christ, we can have hope even in the darkest of circumstances: “O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption” (Psalm 130:7).