12 Apr The Fear of Missing Out

We all know what it is like to open up a social media app and see some event like a birthday party or fun night out that it seems like everyone knew about but you. Or worse, seeing pictures of friends having fun and pushing away thoughts of “why wasn’t I invited?”

I’ve been thinking lately about how social media in particular feeds these feelings which have now been accurately termed as “FOMO” or “Fear of Missing Out.” This fear of missing out is often fueled by feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and rejection, which every human being experiences at some time. The question is – how do we deal with it? And more importantly, what should our response to this fear be as followers of Christ?

Friendships are an incredible gift from God. And remembering that they are a gift to be enjoyed and stewarded, not an idol to be worshipped, is pretty important. I’ve found that friendship at its best is inclusive rather than exclusive, inviting rather than cliquish.

When we are open handed with our friends and social lives, we can delight in people we love loving each other rather than being consumed with envy or rejection. Love is meant to be spread, not possessed.

What about times when we are genuinely hurt by being excluded? I had an experience like this a few months ago. A close friend of mine had a birthday gathering and didn’t invite me. I tried to tell myself “She’s a great friend. She doesn’t need to invite me to her party for me to know we are good friends.” But even after giving my feelings of hurt to God, I still felt hurt. You know what I did? I talked to my friend. I said “I know that you didn’t mean this to hurt me but it did.” And you know what? I found out that she was planning to invite me but heard that I had family coming into town and didn’t want to disrupt that family time. She actually said, “I thought it would be selfish of me to take you away from out of town company just to celebrate my birthday.”

Once again I learned that things are not always as they seem and believing the best about people is a very important part of friendship.

Growing Healthy Relationships

One of my heroines of the faith is Amy Carmichael. Her little book, “If,” is filled with words of wise instruction on godly friendship and relationships. Here are just a few gems worthy of our meditation:

If the praise of others elates me and their blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, “You do not understand,” or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other’s highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am soft to myself and slide comfortably into self-pity and self-sympathy; If I do not by the grace of God practice fortitude, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily, if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous (to myself, for myself), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

The truth is that when we follow the Lord, He orders our friendships and our steps. When we give Him control of our relationships, we will see Him move in powerful ways! And when we keep an open hand and a thankful heart regarding our relationships, being vulnerable when needed with others to avoid Satan’s lies from creeping into our friendships, we also are setting an example of healthy relationships that our kids can follow.

“No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11). Don’t allow your heart to be gripped by the fear of missing out. Instead, choose to rejoice in all that God has given.