02 Nov When the Hurry Makes Us Hurt

My eight year old daughter came to me with tears in her eyes: “Momma, I have a headache.” This was her third headache this week and by this point I was standing up and taking notice.

In typical “Mom fashion,” I began to ask her some questions. “Are you drinking enough water?” “Getting enough sleep?” When I got a “yes” to both of those questions, I probed a little further. “Is there anything that seems to happen before you get the headaches?“

She thought for a moment. “Well, this morning when you were rushing us to get out the door and I was trying to get everything done really quickly, I started getting a headache after that.” I stood still for a moment, letting that statement soak in my mind.

My eight year old daughter was getting headaches which were at least in some part influenced by my rushing her in the morning. Not good.

Is All the Rushing Worth it?

I gave my daughter a big hug and said we would try to change that. I thought a lot that day about what my daughter had shared. She hated being rushed. Well, so do I!

I thought about all the reasons we end up in a frenzied rush to get out the door to go somewhere. Someone loses a shoe. Someone can’t find their water bottle. A three year old who will remain nameless decides it’s the perfect time to take off all the clothes I just put on him. With four kids, there are hundreds of reasons that can lead us all to scrambling around like crazy only to get in the car feeling stressed out.

Inevitably in these situations, I am barking orders: “Get your shoes on! I’ve already told you twice!” “Where is your coat? It needs to stay in the closet so you always know where it is when you need it.” “Who took my keys?!”

Ideally, there are obvious solutions for many of these situations. We pack our lunches ahead of time. We put our coats and shoes by the door and fill up all the water bottles so everything is ready to go. We give them clear instructions with plenty of time to get ready. And, of course, as a mom this is my goal every time.

But here’s the reality: Sometimes, no matter how well we may plan and prepare, we will find ourselves running late. At this point as moms, we have a choice.

We can either bark our kids out the door and give them a harsh lecture in the car or we can finish what needs to be done and calmly walk out the door, perhaps choosing to initiate a discussion in the car if we feel it is necessary: “What went wrong there, guys? What could we do better next time to get out the door on time?“

So whether it is my fault for not giving them enough notice before “leave time” and not preparing the night before or whether it is their fault for playing and ignoring my instructions to get dressed or get their things together, what matters in how we will handle those moments when they come.

The Hurry Makes Us Hurt

In her book “One Thousand Gifts,” Ann Voskamp shares how a pastor was asked towards the end of his life if he had any regrets. Here was his response:

“Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing…. Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”

As my eight year old attested to, the hurry makes us hurt. How does the hurry make you or your family members hurt? What adjustments can you make both in your schedule and in your own perspective and attitude to promote an atmostphere of peace in your home, especially in those moments when you are most apt to press and rush? I would love to hear from you!