29 Mar The Treasure We Seek

I was at a nearby park alone – away from my tribe for an hour – just to breathe. My husband had a work conference that required him working late nights for several days in a row which meant that I was pulling twelve-thirteen hour days with the kids without much of a break.

I pulled my coat tightly around my waist and tread carefully around the semi-frozen puddles. Our first “real” snow of the year had come just the day before but was melting quickly. The cold wind stung my face, leaving my cheeks red and a little raw, just like my soul. As I walked in the silence, only one word came to mind: Impatience.

My own impatience with the kids. In the midst of long, cold days where I was the only adult present to handle everything normal and abnormal that came up, I had become like a tightly wound doll, snappy and slightly annoyed by every stone thrown into my little pond.

I pleaded silently in my heart to the Lord, “Father, I thank you so much that you have entrusted me with these children. I know that what they need from me is parenting in love, not snapping in impatience. I cannot change apart from the help of Your Spirit of grace. Please, Lord, grant me a patient heart.“

The Ground On Which We Stand

I love how God answers our cries for help. Just a few minutes after I prayed these words, I came across these thoughts about patience that I’ve been ruminating on ever since:

“Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not waiting passively until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient, we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later, and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.” – Henri Nouwen

Nouwen goes on to say that impatience can be shown through flight (escape) or fight (yelling, arguing) as we resist fully entering into the moment. Patience, on the other hand, means “suffering through the present moment, tasting it to the full, and letting the seeds that are sown in the ground on which we stand grow into strong plants.”

This was a breakthrough of clarity and light for me. I tend to think of suffering in terms of larger trials, losses, sicknesses, etc but the reality is that we all face small moments of suffering every single day.

I want to be a woman who “makes the most of every opportunity, redeeming the time..” (Ephesians 5:15) and yet I frequently resist embracing and entering into moments of suffering every day, thus producing the fruit of impatience in my heart.

To embrace these moments of suffering, Nouwen says, produces good fruit – fruit that stems from patience or its synonym “long-suffering.”

Opportunities to Embrace

Am I able to see these everyday experiences as opportunities to embrace rather than fight or flee from?

As opportunities for both me and my children to grow in godly character?

Or do I run from “daily crosses,” snapping at my children for presenting me with an opportunity to parent them?

If I am honest, I have often failed to fully embrace these divinely appointed moments of suffering because I place too much value on my own comfort. I enjoy peace. I soak up quiet moments. My ears don’t enjoy hearing high pitched screams on a reoccurring basis.

And yet there – in the moment when my toddler wails in a tantrum on my kitchen floor – lies a beautiful opportunity just waiting for me to enter into if I have spiritual eyes to see it.

I want to fully embrace not only the fun and comfortable and happy moments of mothering, but also the uncomfortable, difficult, even embarrassing ones.

Here’s my confession: My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. I’m asking the Lord daily for his empowering Spirit to strengthen me to enter into these moments to the fullest.

How about you? When hard moments come your way, do you tend to flee, fight, or press in? What truth can you cling to in those moments that will help you engage with patience and purpose?

Lord Jesus, thank you for every moment of life you have given us. We want to be women who embrace not only the good, but also the difficult, with great grace and joy. We want to dig for the treasure you have already planted for us in the ground on which we stand.