23 Mar Mothers, We Are Ambassadors

I recently had the privilege of going on a weekend away with some of my close friends to New York City. Our chief goal was to see some great Broadway shows and boy, did we! We had tickets for the Saturday night showing of “Dear Evan Hansen,” a heart-wrenching and powerful story of a teenage boy with social anxiety and the people closest to him, most of whom are walking through great difficulty and loss.

In one of the openings scenes, Evan’s mom and another boy’s mom sing a song entitled, “Anybody Have a Map?,” where they ask (in regards to parenting their teens) “Does anybody have a map? Anybody happen to know…how to do this? I don’t know if you can tell but this is me just pretending to know. So where’s the map? I need a clue cause the scary truth is I’m flying blind and I’m making this up as I go.“

One of my friends shared later (about this song) that it made her just want to give the woman a Bible and I told her I was thinking the same thing! As mothers, we can sympathize with the words this woman was singing because we feel her pain – parenting is hard and there are no “simple answers or solutions” to the bumps and difficulties we and our kids will face on our journeys together. Every child is unique and we will need fresh guidance for each and every day of parenting.

The amazing thing is that here, in the midst of our inability, we are not without hope because we know the One who is able to give us a map (His Word) and a guide (His Spirit) to help and empower us as we navigate our parenting journey.

Not Owners, But Ambassadors

With our map in hand and our Guide in heart, we are also in need of a biblical perspective as we parent our kids.  I’ve recently been reading Parenting by Paul Tripp. I’m only halfway through, but I have to say that already it’s one of the top three books on parenting that I’ve ever read (and I’ve ready quite a few over the last decade!) and I highly recommend it.

The best thing about this book is that Tripp focuses on the gospel: How the gospel impacts us as parents and how the gospel frames how we parent our children. Tripp frames a biblical perspective of parenting at the beginning of the book by discussing the difference between what he calls “ownership parenting” and “ambassadorial parenting.” I found the comparison very helpful in framing the way that I go about parenting.

Tripp defines ownership parenting as stemming from the belief that “these children are mine and I can parent them the way that I see fit.” While we likely don’t say these words out loud, it tends to be the perspective many of us have in regards to our kids. Ownership parenting is shaped and motivated by what parents want for their children and from their children.

However, this perspective in parenting (while it feels right) is misguided because it can’t produce what God wants in the lives of those he’s entrusted into our care. Tripp goes on to say that “Good parenting begins with this radical and humbling recognition that our children don’t actually belong to us. Rather, every child…belongs to the One who created him or her.“

An ambassador, on the other hand, is someone who faithfully represents the message, methods, and character of the leader who sent him. The bottom line on this is that “parenting is not first about what we want for our children and from our children, but about what God in Grace has planned to do through us in our children.“

We are called to be God’s ambassadors and represent God’s will as we parent our children. Thankfully, their change and character growth is not up to us. We are called to point them to Christ, but it is up to the Lord to produce change in their hearts. We are not and cannot be their saviors. The beauty of this is that we are able to pour out love and parent them with compassion because we also are sinners in need of our Heavenly Father’s tender love, mercy and guidance.

Our children, like ourselves, are in need of daily and even hourly “rescues.” What a gift and important calling we have as parents to be his representatives in the lives of our children. I will leave you with one final thought from the book that has come to mind many times lately as I’ve walked down my own hallway, preparing to confront a child who is in need of guidance or correction:

“If you walk down the hallway mad because your children need correction again, you’re made because at that moment they need what every human being created needs: a parent’s care. But if you walk down that hallway confessing your need of the Father’s care, it is more likely that you will embrace the need of your children for the same care, and you’ll be tender as you give it.”

It is so encouraging to remember that we too need our Father’s care and that he lovingly supplies it. May the Lord continue to equip us with every good thing we need to do His work. And as we face challenging moments and seasons in parenting, let’s remind each other of this truth: We are not left without a map – We are Christ’s ambassadors.