12 Mar Gifts Grandparents Give

Sometimes I catch myself trying to be more than a mom to my boys. It was subtle at first, so subtle it took me awhile to recognize what was happening; but when the realization finally tiptoed into my awareness, I knew exactly what stood behind it.

You see, unlike my boys, I grew up with grandparents nearby my whole life. In fact, I’m still fortunate enough to have both my grandmothers living. My 85-year-old Granny and her husband, “Grandpa Frank,” called me this week to visit about the East Coast storms and find out whether or not they caused us any trouble. We chatted on the phone while slow-falling snowflakes gathered on our lawn. When our phone call ended, I breathed a deep exhale of connectedness.

How many women are still addressed as Princess in their mid-thirties? Not many, I suspect, and I’m grateful to be one of them. I know those phone calls won’t continue forever, and I cherish each one.

That cherishing spills into this longing desire to somehow replicate all the richness of grandparent love for my boys during the times apart that come with distance from their own loving grandparents. It’s a little ridiculous, actually; I know I’m only one person — a mother, not a grandparent, and certainly not a tribe — but it’s also true that I do carry a tribe’s worth of vested blessings in my memory and personhood. So on those pulling-out-my-hair days, when God-sight seems unattainable, I have literally fought just to get to Grandparent-sight.

Grandparents recognize and call out the good,

offering us roots while honoring our wings.

What does that look like in the everyday moments? I’m hopeful your own fond experiences answer that question. But here are some of the irreplaceable gifts I’ve seen kindly grandparents passing down:

Celebration

Look & Listen. Grandparents can be master story-tellers. It’s one of the first places we learn to listen and observe: the colors in a painting, the sound a whippoorwill makes, the names of flowers in prized gardens, the fancy feathers of the hummingbird at the feeder. Grandparents slow down when music starts, or the sun is setting, or geese are flying overhead. And the wonder of children meeting the appreciation of elders is an astounding interaction.

Food. I firmly hold that there is something almost sacramental about those homemade, family recipes (whatever they are). It’s a nourishing mile marker of gatherings gone by and the anticipation of more coming soon. Our taste buds take us places, and in the presence of grandparents, a treat becomes a happy event.

Laughter. Love and laughter should always go together! My mom’s mom is objectively hilarious and I have so many memories of her antics. I’m learning to get more intentional about laughing with Tuck and Gabe. Everyone gets on better when we do!

Companionship

Welcome. I never wondered if my grandparents would be thrilled to see me. What a gift! Whenever we left their home, they would stand waving in their front yard until we drove out of view. Every. Single. Time. In our hurried coming and going, I am trying to make greetings and goodbyes “a thing.” Because they are a thing.

Sanctuary. As a mum raising two humans, I am paying attention to behavior, attitudes, and interactions. It begs communication, intervention, discipline, grace, forgiveness, and prayer. I am so close to every nuanced dynamic, and the boys are just as close to me. I love that grandparents are a step removed, and naturally diffuse any no-good-very-bad-day tensions. But I can offer that too. I want our home to be the boys’ sanctuary always. 

Community

“You are my people: No Ifs, Ands, or Buts.” Grandparents deliver this message with greeting cards, handwritten letters, photo albums, video reels, Skype, and Facetime: investments confirming repeatedly over time that family is wonderful no matter what. Grandparents prove that we are part of something that started before we arrived and continues on now that we’re here. It’s in our grandparents’ presence we discover our parents as children and ourselves as influencers. It’s the place we simultaneously learn that we are only part of the whole, but being part and not the whole is enough. We get not part but the whole of love.

Continuity

My grandparents were ordinary pioneers: surviving the great depression, the scarcity of hard-times farm life, the second world war, changing economies, political landscapes, disaster, and tragedy. They are monuments to resilient faith, hope, and love. They prove that true dignity doesn’t require money or credentials, that service is always significant, and that life is going on.

Character

The directives were rarely spoken, just lived: go to weddings and funerals. Be kind to animals and nature. Leave a place cleaner than you found it. Manners matter. Take care of your neighbors. Link arms in empathy. Do your best and don’t quit. Your messages are coming through crystal clear, grandparents. And we are all better for it.

Thank you for the ways your influence fills, strengthens, and enriches.

We know the best way to pass on family traits is through time spent together;

we treasure those times and wish for more, but even when we’re not together,

your gifts keep giving and your imprint is flourishing.