13 Feb Trusting Love

Happy almost Valentine’s Day, everybody!

Did you just say, “ugh”? I definitely heard a silent ugh. Or was that in my own head? 🙂

Don’t get me wrong, I’m undeniably romantic. But Valentine’s Day rolls around each year and feels a little forced and fabricated; all flashy bright red, pink, foo-foo, and feathers.

But I love any excuse to celebrate loving my Love. So I’m game.

Regis and I will mark our fifth married Valentine’s Day this year. In honor of the milestone (okay, so it was actually just a coincidence), we recently attended the What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage conference with Paul Tripp.

During the event, Paul told us that there was something we should work on every day of our relationship: building trust with one another.

The session is available for free during Valentine’s week: Livestream Session on Building Trust

As part of his talk, Dr. Tripp walked us through a Building Trust in Your Marriage Questionnaire:

A TRUST QUESTIONNAIRE

1) Is there more unity, understanding, and love in your marriage now than there has ever been?

2) Do you both do what you promise in the time that you have promised?

3) Are you attentive to what your spouse sees as important?

4) Do you make excuses for failures to do what you have promised, or are you ready to confess?

5) Do you listen well to your spouse and act on what you have heard?

6) Do you follow through with mutually agreed-upon plans?

7) Do you work together on planning and scheduling priorities, or do you demand that the other do it your way?

8) Do you share with your spouse your thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, and concerns, or is it easier for you to be quiet or to share with someone else?

9) Is there any evidence that you have withdrawn from the other in protective distance?

10) Would your spouse say that you are good for your word and faithful to your promises?

11) Do you carry wrongs around with you, or do you trust one another to confront and confess?

12) Do you ever wonder what the other is doing when not with you?

13) Are you conscious of editing your words and withholding your feelings because you can’t trust your spouse to deal with them properly?

14) Is your marriage partner the best friend in your life or has your dream of this kind of companionship evaporated?

15) Is your sexual relationship mutually satisfying, or is it hard for you to give yourself physically to your spouse?

16) Do you say things to other people about your spouse that you have not communicated to him or her?

17) Do you look forward to sharing times together, and when you have these times are they peaceful and enjoyable?

18) Are there problems between you that remain unsolved because you don’t have the bond of trust necessary to work together on a solution?

19) Are you comfortable with the vulnerability that a good marriage involves?

20) Do you ever wonder if you made a mistake in marrying the person who is your spouse?

21) Do you ever fear that you are being manipulated or taken advantage of in any way?

22) Do you ever wonder if your spouse cares for him- or herself more than for you?

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh.

Just ugh. I can’t stop saying ugh. Anyone else?

So much room for transformation and strengthening outlined here. And also some places we’ve grown! A list like this can be overwhelming; we each have our web of reasons change feels beyond our capacity or control. But “Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” (Matt 19:26)

This Valentine’s Day I’m especially grateful for a perfect Love that truly never fails, even in all our failing.

Maybe this Valentine’s Day will be the first one we spend on our knees.

Maybe confession is better than chocolate and redemption is better than roses.

Maybe surrender is actually the safest place we can run.

For certain we keep coming back to love because the best Love keeps coming for us.

This song was “Our Song” during our courtship; it still holds true. Enjoy and Happy Love Day!