09 Aug When You Feel Unable to Stand

The ten hour drive went without a hitch – one of the easiest we’d made to North Carolina as a family, really. We arrived at our family cabin in time for dinner and went to bed. The next day we did what we always do while there – we went for a hike. It was a lovely hike and we took in the beauty of the trees, the rocks, the waterfall, the wildlife.

We praised our littlest for their efforts to get up the mountain and finish well – it was a strenuous hike. That afternoon, my husband began to remark that his head hurt and he needed to lay down. I took the kids to play at a park, got us dinner, came home. His head still hurt. He fell asleep when the kids did, but awakened before midnight.

At 1:30 a.m. I felt a tap on my shoulder in the darkness of the night. It was husband and he was in great pain. He told me he needed to get to the Emergency Room – and quickly. The pain had spread to his neck and was unbearable.

We were in a very remote location and the nearest hospital was almost 10 miles away. My heart fell as I recognized that there was something terribly wrong but did not know what it was.

He checked into the hospital and once I knew he was with doctors and nurses who could care for him properly, I attempted to sleep but slept in fits, waiting for morning to come so that I might know what was wrong with him.

His call came in the morning. What we thought was a bad migraine headache turned out to be something much more serious – meningitis. “The doctors don’t know yet if it is bacterial or viral – they are doing lots of tests. I’m in a lot of pain. I will be here for several days…” His words began to blur in my ears as tears filled my eyes and my heart dropped.

I was alone. In the mountains. With four small children. And my husband who was in the hospital was very ill. What was supposed to be a relaxing vacation had turned into something out of a nightmare.

How can someone prepare for these moments in life? 

A Sacrifice of Thanksgiving

As I began to reach out to family and friends to let them know what was going on, I began to wish that we were just at home, where we were surrounded by a community that would ensure I would have all the help I needed in minutes. And yet, this is where we were, so I began to pray for God to provide help.

If it weren’t enough, my two year old son decided he wasn’t about to sleep in his pack-n-play and crawled out over and over again. The weariness of picking him up, placing him in his bed over and over again just added to my frustration and sadness.

“God, can’t something about this situation go well? Can’t you help me out? Please?!“

As I sat on the couch outside my baby’s bedroom, waiting to see if he would indeed crawl out of his crib again, I opened my Bible to the Psalms where I had left off the day before. Psalm 50:13-14 seemed to leap off the page into my heart, quickened as a word from the Lord:

“Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
    and perform your vows to the Most High,
and call upon me in the day of trouble;
    I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”

Is thanksgiving a sacrifice? I hadn’t thought of it in that light before and yet in this moment there seemed to be nothing on the surface of my soul shouting thanks. The Lord was asking me to dig deeper. To remember His goodness. To recall His promises when I needed them most. To praise Him in all circumstances.

When we are hard-pressed, often the tears come first, like oil coming from olives in a press. And I wept long and hard and the tears flooded my face and the couch as my heart groaned in pain. And through my sobs, I began to give thanks.

And not all at once, but slowly, gradually, over the course of an hour perhaps, the burdens of my heart began to lift. I began to feel lighter in my soul. And a peace and yes, even a joy began to fill my heart.

Facing this great trial, I had felt alone. But I was not alone. And I would never be alone. God was with me.

I Will Love You, Oh Lord My Strength

In the days that followed as I waited to hear the outcome for my husband’s condition, the Psalms became a balm to my weary soul. I cried them out the Lord and they put words to my groanings. I recalled God’s goodness to His people in the past and to me and my family. I reminded myself of His great promises and His faithfulness.

In my great weakness, I began to watch God’s strength bear me up. Hour by hour, He strengthened and sustained me. He provided help from neighbors in the mountains I had never even met before – a couple who offered to watch my kids so I could visit my husband in the hospital. And a few days later, my mother was able to come help me as she had been on vacation and happened to come home early.

Then we got the word we had been hoping and praying for: my husband had viral and not bacterial meningitis. With every sign of help and hope I offered thanks to God. We kept praying for his healing.

On Friday afternoon, four days after he’d been admitted to the hospital, the doctors gave him a clean bill of health and told him he was free to go home, where he would need much rest to recover fully.

We don’t get to choose the trials that will come our way and we may not even feel prepared in the moment they arrive to face them. And yet, we can take great comfort in the truth that we never face trials alone, because God is with us. Jesus provides strength to the weary and the weak. He will be our strength and help in time of need.

Perhaps you are facing a trial today, too, my friend. Perhaps you feel too weak to bear it.  My testimony this week is this: When I was so weak that I felt I could not stand, God has helped me to stand and has been my strength. He can be yours, too. Turn to Him and let him supply all that you lack. It is his great pleasure to do so.