21 Jul The Joy of Silenced Lips

It is ironic for me to start a blog post about silenced lips.  There is nothing silent about publishing online for all to see.  As I journey through life, I often think about my own influence on others…Do I have a right to speak? Who am I to think that I have the authority to be God’s mouthpiece? Am I trying to be self-important?

Even as I am drafting this essay, Isaiah 6:5 shouts into my conscience,

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”

This very morning, as I have on my schedule to get this blog post out the door, these are hard words to reckon with.

In fact, I was going to write about something else altogether, but my husband and I got into a conversation about a famous Christian singer who recently publicly declared that he was gay, and that this singer felt a sense of relief that he was no longer having to keep a secret.

We talked about his public behavior, the words of his mouth, and his influence.  I researched some comments and reactions to his open statement. It seemed like he made both friends and enemies.  Most thought provoking to me, however, was simply the fact that he used his platform as a Christian to make this announcement.  It challenged me to consider what it means to speak as a Christian and for Christ, especially as I have made a commitment to write periodically for this blog, believer to believer. What is my responsibility?

Like the singer, I have followers.  In 2011, I joined an online surface design community, Spoonflower. I use a lot of my spare time drawing, and in five years, 409 people made a decision to follow me. Why do people want to follow me?

Yesterday,  I shattered both a bowl and a glass within minutes.  I cut my feet while trying to sweep up the mess, and then I proceeded to completely give up cleaning my kitchen in favor of hours of Netflix.  I set out with strong determination to be a good housewife and ended up deflated. I felt powerless and overwhelmed. I certainly felt no authority, and I knew for a fact my voice would have sounded like a whimper.

My 12 year old son seems to have in his mind not to follow me, since he is often moving the other direction. Ah, but he knows me. KNOWS me. He doesn’t just know the woman who sits in front of the computer and creates magical drawings with a Wacom tablet. He also knows the mother who disappears when overwhelmed, buried in work or mindless TV shows. But praise be to Jesus for a son who does not want to follow me. I am not his salvation afterall.

In Matthew 4:19, Jesus says,

“Come, follow me, and I will send you out to fish for people.”

I think many evangelical Christians have the notion to go out and fish for people. Somewhere along the way, their charisma, grit and talent find themselves followers. Blogs have followers. Mothers want sons to follow them. But Jesus said to follow Him first.

When I am weak, I am silenced.  It is sobering to know that my words have no authority. The pictures that I draw have no power. They are but the outpouring of a dependent soul. It is so good for me to be in a position of complete need, a place where there can be no utterances but a prayer of thanksgiving for the Cross.

Ponder these beautiful words from the prophet Zephaniah (3:17):

“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”

I love that the Lord makes me quiet. As much as I want to speak, and sometimes I am too eager to speak, I have not much to say. Not much about myself except for the metaphorical shattered vessel that I am. But His love for me is faithful and true. If I listen carefully, He is the one making all the noise. He makes noise over me. He exults over me with loud singing. He makes it possible me, the writer, to experience the joy of silenced lips. I can say something about that.