05 Nov Your Day of All Days

I wish we could do what they do in Katroo.

They sure know how to say “Happy Birthday to You!”

In Katroo, every year, on the day you were born

They start the day right in the bright early morn

When the Birthday Honk-Honker hikes high up Mt. Zorn

And lets loose a big blast on the big Birthday Horn.

And the voice of the horn calls out loud as it plays:

“Wake Up! For today is your Day of all Days!”

                                                -Dr. Seuss

In my family of origin, birthdays are an occasion to celebrate. My parents pulled out all the stops for us and we spent many magical birthdays snuggled in bed together opening presents at the first light of dawn while anticipating a day full of wonder ahead of us. The birthday traditions even spread into the preceding weeks and months, leading to the family joke of “Well, it’s technically my birthday quarter, so…”

 Unfortunately, over the years, this well-intentioned birthday joviality went a little catawampus in my mind. My birthday became fraught with emotional expectations instead of remaining a carefree celebration of life. Perhaps it started to go sideways in high school when some genius decided that your birthday was the day your friends should bring flowers and balloons for you to carry around like you were a sort of birthday queen. Birthdays in high school felt kind of like a birthday pageant, where the person with the most flowers and balloons wins, and obviously has the most friends who love them.

Even though that high school tradition could only exist to make everyone feel insecure, I have a feeling my birthday hang-ups began long before that. At some point, I started believing the silly (now that I’m writing it) yet very powerful lie that my birthday is the annual occasion for everyone I love to show me how much they love me and how important I am to them. I started believing that if I’m not showered with texts and phone calls and well-wishes and love then clearly, my friends and family don’t love me.

LIE.

And what a set-up for the enemy to come in and steal my joy! Instead of looking forward to a nice day of eating cake and maybe getting a pedicure, my birthday became an emotionally charged opportunity to unhealthily take stock of all my relationships and inevitably end up feeling bad about myself.

A few years ago, I started asking the Lord to redeem my birthday. I told him, “Enough with this! Please fix me.” And the lovely thing is, he’s healing me. Through some quality prayer with my mentor, the Lord has been breaking the bondage of my peculiar social anxieties. Hebrews 12:1-2 AMP eloquently captures the freedom God intends for us, “stripping off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and cleverly entangles us, let us run with endurance and active persistence the race that is set before us, [looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of faith [the first incentive for our belief and the One who brings our faith to maturity].” The misplaced desire for affirmation that fueled my birthday ennui was an unnecessary weight, a cleverly disguised entanglement from the enemy. Thankfully, Jesus is always willing to bring my faith to maturity in every area I lay open to him.

Instead of micromanaging my birthday by planning of every second of it-my defense mechanism against feeling forgotten, neglected, or unloved-I’m beginning to revel in the day as it was intended to be experienced.

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago and it was a smashing success. I didn’t plan anything with friends, I just enjoyed a beautiful, sweet day with my family. I felt loved and celebrated and happy in all the right ways. I felt peaceful and grateful for the year left behind, and excited for the year ahead. Beat it, Satan! I’m taking back my birthday because birthdays are awesome.

I once read about a country in which the tradition is that the birthday person gathers their nearest and dearest together and gives all those people gifts instead of receiving gifts. My hope is that one day, I’ll get to the place where I’ll be able to throw a giant party for all the people I love, select thoughtful gifts for each one of them, and then have the chance to tell them what I appreciate about them. And on that future day, I won’t even take it deeply personally if someone RSVPs no to my Oprah-Winfrey inspired birthday bash where everyone gets super fun presents! (Ok, I’ll try really hard not to take it personally. Not quite there yet, obviously.)

Whether your birthday is near or far away, and whether or not you’re a little weird about it, the wonderfully wise words of Dr. Seuss sum up my hope for you on your birthday:

Today you are you! That is truer than true!

There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

Shout loud, “I am lucky to be what I am!

Thank goodness I’m not just a clam or a ham

Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!

I am what I am! That’s a great thing to be!

If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!”

                        –  Happy Birthday To You!