17 Jan On Grace and Guilt

I was a helicopter pilot in my former life. And for the first four years of my daughter’s life, I wrestled with what that meant for our family. God is gracious though, and I love that part of our story now, marveling at the beauty that can be woven from difficult, tear-stained moments.

And yet even with fresh knowledge of His grace, I still feel like a newbie in the working mom role, having started up a freelance writing business in the fall of 2016. It was sort of an accident (story for a different day) but has been a joy for me as I continue to grow as a writer and pour into a healing creative outlet that I love. (And helps our not-so-little family out occasionally).

Fast forward to now, through the ups and downs of the last two years, and I find myself struggling with time management, yes, and a little bit of guilt too. (Some background here … we do NOT homeschool, so I have two in elementary school and two still at home, so my work time is carved around the moments I have kid free, which are rare. Plus managing a home, etc.)

This all came to a head on January 4, the first snow day of a New Year (out of five), and only two days after the children returned to school after a 17 day break. And not just snow days but temperatures with a wind chill below zero. Picture me trying to get some work done with four very bored kiddos determined to make each other miserable, and requesting my attention every 2.4 seconds for pressing questions related to crafts, and plans we have approximately nine months away. 

I lost my temper. Hard. And was flooded with guilt afterward … I mean, how much do we really need the money? Am I being selfish? Am I … [fill in the blank with every question every working parent has ever asked themselves in these moments].

Here’s what I want to share, even as the Lord is teaching me and convicting me on how to carve out intentional moments of work without being lazy in my actual parenting. (Look for a whole other blog post on that!)

On Guilt and Grace

There are two things God has pressed upon my heart ….

First, in the moment, I reached out to a dear friend who just launched a website for working Christian moms and this was her response: Guilt and grace don’t exist in the same space.

Can I get an amen! (Or an imperceptible head nod from all you presbyterians.) The truth is, even while we are convicted of our sin (in my case, anger and impatience with my children), we are forgiven, and yes, refined by the process. It doesn’t absolve us of our responsibility by any means, but grace should cast out guilt. The unfortunate fact is that many women work, not by choice, but by necessity. We have to learn to navigate work and parenting and throw off the guilt Satan attacks us with, asking for forgiveness and accepting grace.

Which leads me to this … I believe God won’t call you to something and leave your children out of it, whether by necessity or by choice. If you are a single parent working to support your family, God honors your obedience and faithfulness. If both parents are present and so is the need, if He cares for the sparrow, how much more does he care for you, for your children? Rest in knowing that God is faithful in all things.

(And can we talk about this picture … I halfway don’t recognize this girl …

I’d love to hear more from you as you navigate the work-life balance at your house and in your heart? I’m still learning ….

M.