26 Apr Coffee Dates + Drinks at Sunset

I’ve had some pretty awesome dates lately … with my toddler. Last week, we started a ritual I hope we continue for the rest of our lives. We held hands walking to the coffee shop, ordered a kid’s hot chocolate and a small decaf coffee, and settled in for a “date.” On the way, we chatted about our date, what we would order, where we would sit, and whether or not Penny would like a straw in her hot chocolate. As we snuggled up on one side of the table, I told her how special it is for us to have girl dates, and about how my mom did the same thing with me when I was her age. My mom is now my very best friend. We’ve been on wonderful adventures all over the world together, but it all started with crispy chewy blueberry bagels and tangy cream cheese at the local bagel shop.

Often, I’m not great at planning and celebrating big occasions. I’m racking my brain every year on my husband’s birthday, and choosing thoughtful gifts stresses me out (because I prefer experiences over stuff). But, I do love making everyday things special. I like champagne on a Tuesday evening just because. I like impromptu hangouts and celebrating minor accomplishments. More than anything else, I like intentional conversations prompted by intentional questions. Mostly, I like spending quality time with the people I love.

What I’m trying to do with my sweet girl is create a little more magic in our ordinary days. An hour to kill after the gym but before swim lessons becomes a “coffee date.” An evening where my husband is working late and my parents are out becomes “drinks at sunset” replete with lots of “Cheers!” because that’s her favorite thing to do. We fill up our plastic glasses with sparkle water and ice and she gets to pick the color of the straws. (Ok, sometimes mine has gin in it.) Then we head out to the back porch to watch the fiery orange orb slide down the horizon as dusk settles on the glowing green hills.

Bit by bit, we’re creating memories, patterns of engaging, special moments to connect. As we watch the sunset, I ask her, “What did we do today?” “Who did we see?” “What did we learn?” “Where is everyone else?” Last night, Papa was in an airplane, Mimi was at a meeting, and Dada was on the train. She’s super into transportation so the news that Dada was on a train and Papa was on an airplane was very exciting for her.

Honestly, I feel a little hypocritical writing about special moments because today we had the kind of toddler day where I was really proud of myself for only yelling once. Some days I feel like I’m going to burst inside because she’s so adorable and precious and I want her to stay this way forever; other days I’m satisfied if I avoid an adult public meltdown. You win some, you lose some.

Regardless of my failings and foibles, I’m going to keep trying. I want to keep seeing her. I want to stop and listen, instead of rushing to fold the laundry or do the dishes.

Another thing I’m working on is sitting down with her while she eats. My darling girl is 100% “on” whenever she’s awake. She’s engaging and energetic and it is so tempting to use the time when she is finally sitting down and distracted by food to rush around and get things done. But, I’m trying to sit down with her, at her little white picnic table, and just be with her. No one should have to eat alone, and the dog begging for food doesn’t count as company. Of course, we try for family dinners and such, and we certainly have meals together, but not always. So for lunches and especially dinners, I’m choosing to sit down, even if I have to sit on my hands to keep myself from trying to get things done.

What about you? What are your special rituals with your children? If you have more than one child, what do you do to make each child feel special? I’d love to hear your ideas!