25 Jan Sticky Friendship: Make New Friends, Keep the Old

In two weeks, I’m flying gloriously solo to St. Louis, Missouri, to be with some of my favorite people in the world. We will eat, drink, laugh, cry, share, pray, snuggle babies, and reminisce.

It’s been more than a decade since the nine of us became friends. We were awkward freshman from all over the country, gawky teenagers on the brink of womanhood, fresh-faced yet gravely assured of our maturity.

Through studying for finals, countless girls’ nights, dating and breaking up with boyfriends, studying abroad, and reenacting Friends episodes, our friendship became a living, breathing entity. A gift greater than any of us could have imagined.

Now, 13 years later, we are all married and many of us are settling into motherhood. It seems as if we’re big girls now. Five of us are attorneys, two of us are doctors, and we round out the bunch with an artist and an entrepreneur. Yet when we’re together, we’re suddenly eighteen again, lounging around in sweatpants, giggling nonstop, staying up way too late, and eating guacamole and Funfetti cookies for dinner.

Although we’re far flung all the way from Zurich, Switzerland, to San Francisco, California, we make a point of getting together regularly, usually once a year. Collectively, our parents have some pretty sweet vacation homes they’ve let us use in Florida, Colorado, and California, and we’ve also convened in Washington, DC, and near our old stomping grounds in Chicago.

Up until this past summer, we’ve had weddings to bring us together, but now we’re transitioning to celebrating new life during our gatherings.

When my friend, Meredith, and I were both expecting the first babies, due six weeks apart, we started the tradition of throwing baby showers for each woman’s first baby. (And we’re all harboring fantasies of our children attending our alma mater together). We give a group gift, share prayers and encouragement, discuss labor ad nauseam, and celebrate the sacred rite of passage of becoming a mother.

Sometimes our weekends together are uber intentional. For example, one year Jenna and I made everyone read two articles, watch a teaching, and then participate in a facilitated discussion with rotating facilitation responsibilities. It was a little intense but it produced great conversations. Other times, we relax on the beach or enjoy back-to-back wedding-related parties.

There’s one thing we never miss: Life Updates. Each day we’re together, 2-3 women will give a “life update” in which they share, really share, how they are, what they’re learning, what’s hard, the state of their marriage, what they’re hoping for, what’s breaking their heart, what’s challenging their faith, and how we can all pray. These are my favorite, favorite times. They are the heart and soul of our friendship, intimacy at its best.

I value these these women because they think about the world the way I want to think about the world. I know they will parent the way I hope to parent. They approach their marriages the way I want to approach mine. These women challenge and encourage me, they inspire me with their faith, and invite me to give voice to my biggest fears and greatest hopes.

They hunger to know God deeply; they spend time in his Word. On our endless group text, we pray, we encourage, we debate  which baby swaddle really keeps those babies locked in baby jail, and we Instagram crush on the lives Ina and Jeffrey Garten.

The point is, we love each other and we put in the work for our friendship. Sticky friendship takes work, effort, and consistency, but man oh man is it worth it. These friendships are worth more than gold to me. I cherish these ladies’ counsel and company, and I will keep getting on a plane every opportunity I’m able because I believe in sticky friendship.

What about you? Do you get together regularly with your girlfriends? Share any traditions and tips you might have for cultivating sticky friendships.