25 Jan “No” is not a Bad Word

Boundaries are essential for the survival of mankind. Boundaries keep our blood inside our bodies, the ocean from covering the earth, and…our toddler from falling down the stairs or running out into the street.

Even though we know boundaries are necessary and enforce them with our children (hold my hand when we cross the street!), it is easy as mothers to allow our own important boundaries to get trampled on repeatedly.

We moms know how to multitask like nobody’s business. I remember the first time I tried it – it was euphorically thrilling; like a drug, really. What?! I can wear my child on my back, make dinner, and talk on the phone all at once?! #ihavearrived.

Just because we have at times pulled off insane amounts of activity in one day doesn’t mean that is the best way for us to live our lives or run our homes.

Our little people (and spouses!) suffer as a result.

We suffer as a result.

Recently I read in an article this convicting thought: Multitasking is really a lie. It’s impossible to be fully engaged in more than one activity at a time without your attention towards each activity suffering as a result.

Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t ever multitask, but when you see evidences that you or your people can’t bear the burdens you are putting on them, it’s time to make a few more boundaries and cuts in our schedules.

Consider Before You Commit

As you consider paring down your current schedule or adding something new, here are a few tips that have helped me along the way:

1. Give it to God – Just pausing and taking some time to give it to God and wait upon Him for guidance may be all you need to know if this is a “yes” or a “no” for you or your family.

2. Look at your current commitments – If I am still not sure, I look at the schedule. If I say yes to this commitment, how will that impact my day and my family that day? Will it turn the day into a stress-filled whirlwind or will there still be some good margin?

3. Consider your goals – And even if there is space for the activity in our schedule, is this something I believe is working towards the greater goals and purposes I believe God has for me and/or my family, or is it totally irrelevant?

Another great question to ask is, “Why would I say yes to this?” If the answer is because everyone else I know is doing it, that isn’t a good enough reason. If the answer is “I believe this will be a truly life-giving experience or in some way me or my family will grow personally or be able to serve another person” that is entirely different.

“No” is not a bad word

I have made the choice to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom to four children . Because of my commitment to be their primary caregiver and teacher, I simply cannot say yes to many opportunities that may present themselves. To be honest, it took me several episodes of frantic multi-tasking and burnout to realize this.

The truth is, when we say “yes” to one thing, we are also choosing to count the cost to say “no” to many other things as a result. 

“No” is not a bad word. It is a powerful, necessary word that allows us to say our strongest “Yes” to what is most important to us and our family.

The beginning of a new year is a great time to evaluate time commitments and priorities. Take a good and prayerful look at your schedule. Are there any commitments that you need to say “No” to so you can embrace things (and people) that are higher priorities.

Don’t be afraid to say “No” when it is opening up more time for you to say “Yes” to what you truly care about most.

Then we can live lives free from insane amounts of (dysfunctional) multi-tasking and also free from regrets.