26 Aug The Cure for Mommy Guilt

The darkened room beckoned me and I entered softly, not wanting to wake them. As I passed between my three daughters asleep in the moonlight, I inhaled the soothing sounds of their quiet breathing as crickets chirped happily outside in the wet heat of the evening.

I looked long at each small face, calm and peacefully dreaming. I gazed upon them in adoration and then quivered as my heart flooded with guilt and regret over my actions of the day.

Why did I snap harshly when she just needed help with her shoes?

Why did I force her to keep working when she needed a break?

Why did I reject her request to cuddle and instead absorb myself in busywork?

Why? Why? Why? The questions sliced through my heart like lashes against skin and my soul buckled under with despondency.

I sighed and ached and inwardly cried out to God, “Tomorrow help me to do better! Help me to love them with your love!” but I sank into sleep still wrapped in a cloud of guilt.

Standing on Christ – Not On Our Parenting Performance

I received Christ as my Savior when I was four years old. I remember sitting in my Sunday School class and watching my teacher explain the Gospel with a felt board and characters.

I learned that day that God is holy, I am sinful, and Christ died to save me from my sins and rose to give me eternal life. I learned that when I repented of my sins, God forgave me immediately and desired to empower me with His Holy Spirit to walk in His ways.

That day I learned the truth, but every day since it has been a battle to believe it. Why? The human heart is deceitful and longs to be accepted on personal merits, not on the mercy of God.

Romans 8:1 states clearly, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” When I condemn myself for being harsh with my children or “being a bad mom,” I am rejecting the gift of God’s grace and forgiveness that is readily available to me when I repent. I am rejecting the Gospel.

When I confess my sins to God (and to my children), God is faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and to purify me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He wants to create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalm 51) , but I must bring my sins to Him rather than punish myself by holding onto guilt feelings.

The Prescription For Mommy Guilt: Preach the Gospel to Yourself Daily

In college, I heard about a guy named Jerry Bridges who taught about preaching the gospel to yourself every day. The thing is, if we don’t remind ourselves daily of the truths of the Gospel, we are inclined to forget them.

Then starts the vicious cycle of trying to “better ourselves” by our own works and condemning ourselves when we fail, rather than confessing our sins to God and relying on His grace to transform our character.

Practically speaking, I’ve begun to spend the first 10 minutes of each day preaching the Gospel to myself. Here’s how I do it:

First, I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal sin in my life. I confess my sins to God and remind myself of the truths in His Word that promise His forgiveness.

I then thank God for His atoning work on the Cross that covers my sin and His resurrection power that has given me eternal life. I ask Him to fill me afresh with His Spirit and empower me by His grace to walk in obedience to His will.

How We Model Godly Behavior for Our Children

Christ wants us to walk in the joy of His salvation every day. He paid the ultimate price so that I don’t have to pay penance for my sins or wallow in Mommy guilt.

The truth is, we don’t deserve His grace, but must accept it as a gift that can never be earned.

You and I – we will never be perfect moms.  We can, however, take joy in the fact that we serve a perfect God and we stand on His righteousness, not our own.

We model godly behavior for our children not by striving in our own strength for perfect behavior but by running to the Cross each time we fail.

We model godly behavior for our children when we humble ourselves before God (and them, when we have wronged them), refuse to wallow in guilt, and trust in God’s grace to help us grow in Christ-like character.

We model godly behavior for our children by receiving and walking in the joy of Christ, a gift that is not dependent on our daily performance, but on his perfect life and atoning death.

The Cross of Christ is the only lasting cure for Mommy guilt.