28 Jul Cultivating Joy In Our Children

Cultivate:  To foster the growth of. To prepare the land. To further, to encourage.

I spoke to you of counting joy, but how on earth do I cultivate joy in the heart of my children?

The answer, at least for this tired momma, may surprise you.

I cultivate joy in my children by taking joy in my children.

Scripture is clear in our task of treating their hearts with care.

Do not embitter your children, lest they become discouraged (Ephesians 6:4). 

And again in Colossians 3:21.  Do not provoke your children but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. 

So while our children are called to obey, we have a mandate as well. To encourage, not discourage. To further their knowledge, to cultivate their joy and delight in the Lord.

Yes, I am counting joy in the midst of the most sanctifying moments.

But oh, I am taking joy in the redemptive ones too.

On a practical note, what does that look like for this often short-tempered, never showered, always frazzled suburban mom of four kiddos under the age of nine?

I yell less. 

I believe I mentioned that before. Less, not never. I am a work in progress, after all. I take a timeout, breath slow and count to ten. I read the family rules under my breath and ask – nay – plead for grace and forgiveness, from the Lord, and from my small ones.

This next one is new for me, and sort of a revelation! 

I seek to change the lens in which I view behaviors in an effort to shepherd their hearts in the truest fashion.

I pray for and exercise discernment – between sin and spirit. Between deliberate defiance and the passionate cries of a little boy who literally has no words for his feelings. I take joy in his out-sized emotions and teach him to speak it.

I say yes more often.

Yes to blue hair and dog bingo and one more book. Yes to snuggles when they should be napping. Yes in the face of dirty dishes and raggedy weeds and the sentient mound of laundry breeding in my basement. Yes to dance parties. I delight in the ordinary moments with my children, banking the memories for days when they are limbs all akimbo, flinging themselves to adulthood. (And trust me, it is no small thing for this recovering Type A ex-helicopter pilot to simply let things go.) 

They see me, seeing them.

We memorize scripture together, scripture to shore up the values we are teaching, the values we are living. To establish a pattern of delighting in God’s Word …  and in the spirit of full disclosure, I struggle with consistency here – I’m preaching from the trenches, not a pedestal.

But oh it is good hard work, preparing the land, preparing their hearts for growth, for the difficult work of counting it all joy in a sometimes joyless and always sinful world. To bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

And in the end? Lord willing, they will love, and be loved. Faithful in hope, fervent in prayer and joyful ever.